Pub happenings, gossip and general hilarity.
2003-01-13 at 8:03 a.m.

 

Oooh. I see it's been a few days since I've updated. Never fear people, nothing much has happened to this elf that's worth recording.

Although, the other night in the pub (yes, that is the only place I ever go) there was an indoor snowball fight. Well, less of a fight, more of a one throw extravaganza. My mate had been having a snowball fight outside with one of the landlords' kids. My mate had fired a whole load of snowballs at the kid and was celebrating his rather lopsided victory in the bar. 'Yay! I beat a 6 year old at a snowball fight.' The barman, feeling that this competition had been rather unfair, goes outside, finds the kid and helps him make a big, giant, nuclear sized snowball. They and the snowball come inside, find my mate and the kid launches the snowball at him with impressive velocity. However, due to the unsubtle approach ('There he is! G'wan, throw it really hard at him') my mate has seen them coming. He and Mr Me duck in a beautiful tandem movement, the BGNSS flies over their heads and lands smack in the chest of an innocent stranger no one has ever seen before. It then falls off his chest and piles up around his beer.

Much laughter ensued, from us unkind regulars. My stomach was hurting so much by this point that details become a little hazy. I don't, however, think anyone actually got around to apologizing to this rather unhappy individual. I also remember the comment 'And meet the editor of the Good Pub Guide', with more hilarity. That's about it.

What else? I've agreed to fix my friend's computer whose daughter was using it as a shoe rack. Anyone got a good way of telling someone that their computer will probably do a better job as a shoerack than a computer? No? Didn't think so.

In other pub related news, has anyone ever had somebody hate them for absolutely no reason that you know of whatsoever? I mean, if I fuck someone off then I'm quite happy with them disliking me. In fact, I prefer it. But if I've not done anything. That's fucking annoying. There's a woman and her husband who come and go from the pub. She fucking hates me (Puddle of Mudd, nice...) and Mr Me, and we don't know why. It may be because she has seen Mr Me get fractious once or twice, but then everyone else has and they deal with it. It may be because we aren't good enough for them, and we are Johnny-come-lately to this pub (you know, in the scenario that drinking in there everyday for three years makes you Johnny-come-lately). Who can tell? And you're quite right, before you say it. Frankly I shouldn't give a flying fuck. But it's annoying. I should be told. I think I'm going to make a point of asking her one day. That should present her with a challenge as currently she can't actually look me in the eye. I'm not actually a very offensive or violent person, but I think I could make a special effort for her.

I have a rant all prepared on this country's treatment of asylum seekers, but it just doesn't fit here. Maybe later.